Sunday, February 27, 2011

Betty Ford Clinic or Move to Ireland?

Actual conversation with B.O.B. recently. He's either thinking I am sleep deprived or need to check in at the Betty Ford Clinic A.S.A.P.

B.O.B.: Where are you?
Me: Fenton.
B.O.B.: How did you end up in Fenton? I thought you were going to Grand Blanc.
Me: I don't know. I just ended up here.
B.O.B.: What are you doing there?
Me: Thinking about getting a sandwich from Locke's.
B.O.B.: That sounds good but you are going to your parents for dinner. Are you just going to say you're not hungry when you get to your parents?
Me: No, because I can't get a sandwich from Locke's.
B.O.B.: But you're there and obviously you drove to Fenton to go to Locke's.
Me: I said I can't go to Locke's.
B.O.B.: Why?
Me: Because I'll buy liquor if I go to Locke's.
B.O.B.: You can buy liquor if you want. Better yet, pick me up a cigar while you're there.
Me: I can't go there.
B.O.B.: WHY??????
Me: Because I will just end up in the Irish cream aisle and it won't be pretty.
B.O.B.: Why won't it be pretty?
Me: I'll end up opening bottles to taste the different varieties. Then I'll drink them all. And end up face down, passed out in the aisle surrounded by empty bottles. You'll have to come and get me and that will be ever so embarrassing, especially for you, since I'll be passed out and won't care.
B.O.B.: Are you out of Irish cream?
Me: I have learned one can never have too much Irish cream. But to save the family from shame, I won't go to Locke's.
B.O.B.: OK.
Me: Can we get a cow?
B.O.B.: A cow? Why?
Me: So I can have fresh Irish cream every day.
B.O.B.: I don't think that's the way it works.
Me: I'll feed my cow whiskey and then I'll have Irish cream all the time. I'll never run out.
B.O.B. (the voice of reason or wet blanket, you make the call): I don't think we can have a cow in the city.
Me: We'll just disguise it as the Great Dane. No one will notice. Besides, that commercial about all the happy cows living in California? It's a lie! Truly happy cows live in Ireland because they are the source of Irish cream. So, can we get a cow? Or better yet, can we just move to Ireland?

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Do they still publish Tiger Beat magazine?

My darling husband decided to treat me for all the long hours I've been putting in at work. He purchased a lovely set of flannel sheets on which to rest my restless head (I'm going through a very bad spell of not sleeping and weird dreams; was chalking it up to stress but after consulting with the doc who keeps me somewhat hormonally balanced, it's a change in, of all things, my thyroid meds).

B.O.B. thought I would be especially thrilled since the sheets were in the most luscious shade of pink. The sheets seemed to gently call out, "come and rest your soul on our soft flannel warmth and envelope yourself in a cotton candy dreamland."

The sheets were nice and cozy. Until I walked back into the bedroom the next morning - with sunlight streaming in -- and noticed just how PINK the sheets actually are.

I'm thinking the only thing missing is a poster of Justin Bieber hanging over my bed and a stack of Tiger Beat magazines on my nightstand.