I'm Doomed AND Lactose Intolerant

While in the midst of a dream this morning, everyone in said dream started chanting, "You're doomed. You're doomed. You're doomed ... " Well, if that doesn't make someone who already suffers self-esteem issues bolt awake, I don't know what will. These chanters were actually my friends, adding insult to injury.

Except it was my electronic alarm clock. The tone, "Beeeep beep Beeeep beep," has the same cadence as "you're doomed."

Great. Couple that with a bird who starts taunting me promptly at 6:45 am every morning by sing-songing "CHHHEEESSSEE burger CHHHEEESSSEE burger." (As B.O.B. as my witness, that is exactly what the bird's tweet sounds like!) So I'm reminded every morning upon waking that I'm lactose intolerant. Where, oh where, is a little feathered friend who can tweet, "VEGGIE cheese burger!"?

Electronics are sending me subliminal messages. The avian world is bullying me for being unable to digest diary products. Ha. I can strike back! I can change the alarm tone. And the bird? "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, I have a job for you, my little furry assassin."